Comrades, Onwards to Victory!

Comrades, today we celebrate the Glorious Victory of our most recent 5 Day Plan!
After the call went out for extra resources to the People, the workers united and provided all that they could!

Today, we have reached our 5 Day Plan 1st Tier Success Goal of:
000,000,000,000.00 ISK!
You should be proud of your collective selves, comrades!
The Politburo, in the spirit of continuing past successes appealed to the unwashed capitalistic masses as well!

And it too was a Glorious Victory for the United Peoples' Republic of AssCrapistan!
Let us take a moment to Recognize the most Benevolent Capitalists, even though they didn't know that they were actually donating to Our Good Cause (What capitalists donate to anything?).

1st Place goes to : EggMand for his 'donation' of ......900,000,000 ISK
2nd Place goes to: Cinanek for his 'donation' of ......300,000,000 ISK
3rd Place goes to: Morak Thun for his 'donation' of 250,000,000 ISK


To further commemorate this Great Victory, the PolitBuro also notes that the Capitalist doners all stepped up to the challenge of maximal donation in the span of no more than 11 Minutes between Morak's and EggMand's donations. For those mathamatically inclined, the Peoples' Republic made over 1 Billion ISK, or 110 Million ISK each minute for 11 Minutes!

Onwards to Victory, Comrades, for tomorrow our latest 5 year plan Begins!

Donate to a Good Cause (TM)

As some of you may or may not know, I have an alt who is about 10 days away from getting to fly a carrier. So, lets take a look at all the isk required to fly a carrier:
Thanatos x1 --- 700,000,000 ISK
Capital Ships -- 350,000,000 ISK
Gall Carrier --- 450,000,000 ISK
Assorted Mods-500,000,000 ISK

That comes to about 1.9 Bil ISK.

Although I do get decent sums of ISK by scamming, I have to pay for 2 separate accounts with ISK which comes to about 1.2 Bil isk / 2 months. I've recently paid my bills, and am rather low on ISK right now.

So, I'm basically asking you, my loyal readers to donate whatever you can spare/feel like to pay for my alt's first carrier. Believe me, I could use it.

Beware of the Ban Hammer!

Lanissum is 1 year and 1 day old today. I fondly remember my earlier days of naivety...
My first lost ship was a Thorax, after I emptied a can outside a Dodixie station. Such days are long gong... Today, I fly HAC's, and my much vaunted Vexor of do0m with a confirmed 19 kills to it's name.

During a recent scam-a-thon, I ran into a particularly funny character.
The chat log, edited for brevity, can be found below.

Bold are particularly interesting parts, Italics are parts where a 'CCP' Employee is talking.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Channel ID: 2143487849
Channel Name: Private Chat (Captain Trautman)
Listener: ME
Session started: 2009.05.15 02:00:46
---------------------------------------------------------------
...
[Steal 100m or so]
...
[The threats begin]
[ 2009.05.15 02:30:39 ] Captain Trautman > no only 1 contract: 90 millions in exchange of vexor navy issue
[ 2009.05.15 02:30:56 ] Captain Trautman > otherwise i'll have to report you to CCp
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:02 ] ME > k, i give u 90m u give me vexor
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:07 ] Captain Trautman > yes
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:08 ] ME > please, don't do that
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:12 ] ME > [kk, one sec]
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:31 ] Captain Trautman > it's up to you buddy, a mega costs 80, i'm paying it to you 90
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:45 ] Captain Trautman > 90 is fare u made 10 millions in 10 minutes u should enought satisfied
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:45 ] ME > eh, I sent you the contract
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:54 ] ME > i pay you 90m, you give me vex, and don't tell ccp
[ 2009.05.15 02:31:57 ] ME > deal?
[ 2009.05.15 02:32:16 ] Captain Trautman > exactely
[ 2009.05.15 02:32:18 ] ME > kk
[ 2009.05.15 02:32:22 ] ME > sent the contract
[ 2009.05.15 02:33:05 ] Captain Trautman > did not get it yet
[ 2009.05.15 02:33:09 ] ME > sure?
[ 2009.05.15 02:33:15 ] ME > i'll link it
[ 2009.05.15 02:33:41 ] ME > [Want to Trade]
[ 2009.05.15 02:33:50 ] ME > there it is
[ 2009.05.15 02:34:14 ] ME > just remember, don't tell CCP, or they'll ban me
[ 2009.05.15 02:34:39 ] Captain Trautman > Cristal actually you are getting me impatience
[ 2009.05.15 02:34:46 ] Captain Trautman > the contract you are giving me is fake
[ 2009.05.15 02:34:51 ] ME > its real enough
[ 2009.05.15 02:35:04 ] Captain Trautman > it says i pay u 90 millions plus a vexor
[ 2009.05.15 02:35:08 ] ME > woops
[ 2009.05.15 02:35:12 ]ME > u gonna report me?
[ 2009.05.15 02:35:25 ] Captain Trautman > i will report yuo right away if i dont cash 90 millions right now
[ 2009.05.15 02:35:47 ] ME > you're not gonna get ANYTHING out of me, BAN OR OTHERWISE
[ 2009.05.15 02:35:53 ] Captain Trautman > u got the wrong guy coz' 2 days ago i had a job interview with CCP
[ 2009.05.15 02:36:05 ] ME > do your worste
[ 2009.05.15 02:36:45 ] ME > how long do i have before u get me banned?
[ 2009.05.15 02:37:07 ] Captain Trautman > thnx for all ur kind words, this is evidence for CCP.
[ 2009.05.15 02:37:19 ] ME > evidence?
[ 2009.05.15 02:37:22 ] Captain Trautman > We can have a deal buddy and both of us could leave safely and smoothly
[ 2009.05.15 02:37:41 ] ME > I don't deal with people, I'm alergic to homo sapiens
[ 2009.05.15 02:38:34 ] ME > that it?
[ 2009.05.15 02:38:54 ] Captain Trautman > i'm asking to you one more time, you pay me back 90 millions, i give you the vexor back or you give me 180 millions back and i give yuo both ships and we are fine
[ 2009.05.15 02:39:03 ] Captain Trautman > this would be like it never happened
[ 2009.05.15 02:39:32 ] ME > If I stand for nothing, i will fall for anything
[ 2009.05.15 02:39:41 ] ME > all that evil needs to succeed is for good men to do nothing
[ 2009.05.15 02:39:44 ] Captain Trautman > or, we are square and yuo enjoy your last time in eve with this your current account
[ 2009.05.15 02:39:56 ] ME > square?
[ 2009.05.15 02:39:59 ] Captain Trautman > read the rules before connign people
[ 2009.05.15 02:40:18 ] ME > rules? what rules?
[ 2009.05.15 02:40:34 ] Captain Trautman > all the transactions, all the chats could be evidences in case of problems.
[ 2009.05.15 02:40:42 ] ME > there are problems, alright
[ 2009.05.15 02:41:03 ] ME > i'm bored
[ 2009.05.15 02:42:10 ] Captain Trautman > eheh one more time, you pay me back for one or 2 ships i give you back one or 2 ships
[ 2009.05.15 02:42:25 ] ME > or, I just close this convo, and rofl
[ 2009.05.15 02:42:55 ] Captain Trautman > and you'd risk your account to be banned?
[ 2009.05.15 02:43:06 ] Captain Trautman > it's up to you buddy
[ 2009.05.15 02:43:11 ] ME > hm
[ 2009.05.15 02:43:25 ] ME > will you settle for just buying a real navy vexor from me?
[ 2009.05.15 02:43:28 ] ME > for 50m?
[ 2009.05.15 02:43:45 ] Captain Trautman > no
[ 2009.05.15 02:45:51 ] Captain Trautman > Cristal, I've a CCP liason online on another chat
[ 2009.05.15 02:46:07 ] Captain Trautman > it's up to you now
[ 2009.05.15 02:46:55 ] ME > invite him here
[ 2009.05.15 02:47:59 ] Captain Trautman > k
[ 2009.05.15 02:48:37 ] Captain Trautman > he has just reviewed what u wrote me, and when u admitted u sold me renamed ships he said it's enought for ban you
[ 2009.05.15 02:49:34 ] ME > right
[ 2009.05.15 02:49:39 ] ME > invite him here plz
[ 2009.05.15 02:50:32 ] Icer Xx > hello
[ 2009.05.15 02:50:43 ] ME > hey
[ 2009.05.15 02:51:16 ] Icer Xx > Cristal
[ 2009.05.15 02:51:24 ] ME > Yes?
[ 2009.05.15 02:51:31 ] Icer Xx > Did you sell Captain Trautman fake ships?
[ 2009.05.15 02:51:36 ] ME > yes
[ 2009.05.15 02:51:50 ] Icer Xx > That violates the EULA
[ 2009.05.15 02:51:59 ] ME > It does?
[ 2009.05.15 02:52:05 ] Icer Xx > yes
[ 2009.05.15 02:52:10 ] ME > ok
[ 2009.05.15 02:52:14 ] ME > ban me then, plz
[ 2009.05.15 02:52:28 ] Icer Xx > I do not Wish to ban you
[ 2009.05.15 02:52:49 ] ME > You're from CCP, right?
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:00 ] Icer Xx > i believe that was evident
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:08 ] ME > well, are you?
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:29 ] Icer Xx > yes
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:38 ] ME > right, so enforce the EULA and ban me then
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:54 ] ME > why am i still here?
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:54 ] Icer Xx > in 24 to 48 hours you will no longer be able to log on
[ 2009.05.15 02:53:57 ] Icer Xx > goodbye
[ 2009.05.15 02:54:05 ] ME > NOOO
[ 2009.05.15 02:55:47 ] ME > if he'll come back, and forgive me, i'll give u back all your stuff man
[ 2009.05.15 02:56:59 ] ME > ?
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:03 ] ME > oh
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:13 ] Icer Xx > It is my understanding you just paid Captain back?
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:15 ] ME > thank you, for giving me one last opportunity to right what I have wronged
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:20 ] ME > yes, yes, yes
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:35 ] Icer Xx > Thank you ME
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:49 ] ME > captain is awefully quiet
[ 2009.05.15 02:57:55 ] Captain Trautman > i'm here
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:00 ] Captain Trautman > reading
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:07 ] ME > are you alts?
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:08 ] Icer Xx > He doesn't talk very much it seems.
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:19 ] Captain Trautman > i had enought for tonite
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:23 ] Icer Xx > I am an alt, but which character of i may not divulge.
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:32 ] ME > kk
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:32 ] Icer Xx > since the t20 incident
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:38 ] ME > glad you got your isk back, captain
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:44 ] Captain Trautman > as cristal pays i no longer have any interest in proceeding against him
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:50 ] ME > thank you
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:51 ] ME > so much
[ 2009.05.15 02:58:57 ] Captain Trautman > not yet Cristal
[ 2009.05.15 02:59:07 ] ME > but i already paid!
[ 2009.05.15 02:59:27 ] Icer Xx > There you have it Cristal, Captain has no reason to proceed in the termination of your account.
[ 2009.05.15 02:59:54 ] ME > thank you for your mercy, oh highest one
[ 2009.05.15 03:00:04 ] Icer Xx > Thank you for your time and effort in making EVE Online a great online game.
[ 2009.05.15 03:00:12 ] ME > haha
[ 2009.05.15 03:00:15 ] ME > still got ur isks
[ 2009.05.15 03:00:40 ] Captain Trautman > have a great night and sleep tight
[ 2009.05.15 03:00:48 ] ME > u even checked ur wallet?
[ 2009.05.15 03:01:43 ] Captain Trautman > yuo did not pay me anything, i'm dropping this convo and proceed with the report
[ 2009.05.15 03:01:49 ] ME > :(

Lose Some, Win MOAR!

It seemed like a good idea, to tackle the aggressed battle ship on a gate. Or, it did until my capacitor suddenly spilt out into open space, until the Warrior II's slid into the silent void, searching for me, until my Taranis imploded 100m away from being within range of the gate.

I was safe from those two huge, lumbering minmatar Battlecruisers. Even if they could hit me, I'd just dock. Oh, they've started to stick a bunch of drones on me. Simple, I'll just dock up; MWD'ing into range... In range! Why don't they hail my docking request? Suddenly, my Ishkur disintigrates beneath my feat, as I warp away in the pod, I take a look at the station so I can have the station controllers fired. That will prove to be a difficult endevor, seeing as it was actually an abandoned station. -_-.

Quote from the Cartel forums:
Topic: I'm stupid because...

Lanissum: I'm an idiot b/c I've tried to dock at abandoned stations...
Blammo: I'm an idiot because i followed you

Attacking the dueling Battleships seemed like a good idea, until they stopped dueling, and a bunch of reds blobbed me and the unfortunate few who followed me to our collective doom.

Pirating can, at times, be a discouraging profession. This is especially true when one loses something to the tune of 140m ISK in the span of 7 days. Although my wallet doesn't feel it, I like to lose ships as much as the next guy.

On the other hand, such defeatist thoughts quickly leave one's mind when they are agressed by a Raven on a gate. Finding that he did little damage to me, I opted to return fire, and settled into my optimal orbit. Screaming in comms on my catch. As the Raven and I dueled, neither deagressing and jumping, my corpmates ganked a comorant who was foolish enough to aggro them. In the meantime, my speed tanked Vexor was in armor, but so was the Raven. As it entered hull, the Raven, although flown by a two year old capsuleer, split asunder into space.

However, my corpmates had done a minute amount of damage, at the end thus robbing me, and my KB central mind, of a sweet solo kill. After I expressed my ire at certain, un-named corpmates, Kazaji stated:

"Yeah, yeah, sorry about stealing your 'solo' kill. Shouldnt have screamed "Raven autopiloting to Dantumi come!" "Hes engaged me COME!" Ect. :P Good fight though."

The other day, I noticed a noob in system, being the pirate I am, I socially engineered him into a belt with me for 'isk opportunities'. However, our mutual seminar was interrupted before it began, by a Tristan which soon payed the price for interrupting my class in the ways of EvE (Everyone vs Everyone). Then, another Tristan warped in and met a similar fate to my Ishkur's flurry of drones and blasters. Then, I finally got around to the silly little Ibis, who thought I was putting on a show for him or something.

Later, during one of the few roams where I was FC, we probed down a Brutix and Caracal missioning together. As Andrea Skye warped onto the mission gate, and got a point, the rest of us arrived and finished him and his pod, while I ordered Skye enter the mission to get a tackle on the Brutix within before it could escape, after hearing the pleas of it's friend. That done, the Brutix soon fell to our combined onslaught.

On another note, the Cartel has picked up a few new members. One of which is yourownguns. He's only been with us for a few days now, but he's already racked up 30+ kills, using just Incursii and the Thorax. Even an Incursus vs Claw kill too, Python is all the better off for getting new members of this calibre.

Speaking of calibre, I shall be flying my first HAC, a Deimos, in 2 days time. Although some call it the 'Die-most', I would certainly like to see how HAC's perform. Especially since I love assault frigates, in a manner similar to Spectre's love of the Taranis. Obviously, flying them in a gang would be dumb, as they'd just get primaried and destroyed. But for solo work... a Deimos would certainly be a fearsome ship. At any rate, HAC's would at least cost something, as opposed to the pocket change of insurable T1 ships and T2 frigs.

Shiny Toys!

In 12 days, I will have been a capsuleer for 1 year. In 12 days, I will be able to fly HAC's [Just a coincidence]. In the mean time, I've learned how to fly several t2 frigates, including interceptors, stealth bombers, covert ops, and assault ships.

I thought stealth bombers were OK, but they're definitely a gang ship, especially now that they use torps. I still need to do about 500k of missile skilling before I'm willing to actually use them in combat.

Covert ops, kinda cool, but I'm not that great at probing. Next...

Assault ships. God, I love my assault ships, once I get in under the target's guns, the only thing that can hurt me are their drones. Once those are down, it's just a matter of keeping up my transversal with an AB.

The Enyo is currently my ship of choice, it can put out the hurt, and maintain a good tank to boot. Especially since it's so difficult for larger ships to hurt me. The only problem with said Enyo is that it has only 2! Midslots. So, I'm basically limited to a warp scrambler and AB II.

Then there's the Ishkur. It can dish out 200DPS, with a decent tank, and has the flexibility of 3 midslots. It makes an excellent ship, it can maintain a good 2 KM/S speed, and it's drones can catch up to almost anything.

Then there are the interceptors. I've never had great luck with them. My first one died in a fiery explosion whilst going in for the tackle. My latest one was murdered by an Ishkur before I could get out of warp scrambling range.

I recently tried to give them another go, at the behest of my fellow pirate, Spectre3353, who is very good with them. With something like 270 kills for 30 losses, using a taranis, "you just can't argue with results" and I would tend to agree with such logic.

But I don't feel comfortable with such a paper thin hull beneath my feet. The taranis has an insanely small sig radius, as do my assault ships, and has a very good pointing ability. Against larger ships, like cruisers, both the taranis and AF's are on fairly equal terms.

But I think the problem is with smaller ships, once the interceptor's MWD is down, it's a sitting duck, waiting for the drone swarm to finish it off. And it just can't outlast an AF, like the Ishkur in toe to toe combat. [The Ares is probably more survivable, imo] .

It just seems to me that flying into warp scram range with an interceptor is just a Bad Idea. But it's obviously not the ship's fault, just mine.

If you fly the Taranis [especially the blasteranis], what do you do to get those kills? And I'm not talking about big ships, which are easy to avoid/kill. I'm talking about that Ishkur which ambushed me, took out my MWD and shredded me with drones.

Against the Odds

As the last tendrils of the warp stream slipped away from the hull of my Vexor, sensors registered a fleet of 5 frigates. Further examination revealed that it was composed of an Incursus, Punisher, Merlin, and two Inquisitors.

Moments later, they all entered the stargate into Dantumi. I immediately gave chase, they proceeded onto Mara, where we played a game of cat and mouse in the asteroid belts. Then they went to Passari. As my frustration at not being able to get a point on one of them mounted, I goaded some of them in private channels. That failed too.

We were playing cat in mouse in Passari, with a great multitude of reds in local. Time and again, I warped into a belt to only see them warp away at 100k.

But then I noticed a pattern in their movements and warped in right on top of them.

Alarms blared as the enemy fleet materialized all around me, too close for comfort with my speed tank... but a pirate never runs!

I immediately began resolving locks, and let my drones go out to play. But the enemy were already warping away. I counted the seconds for the locks to resolve, slowly ticking by as one target at a time warped away.

Lock resolved. Point acquired.

I sent my drones to the now solo Merlin frigate. In short order, it died in a fiery explosion.

But then his buddies began to arrive in force, they were all too close to me, there was no way for my cruiser to outrun the nimble frigates. I began to resolve locks once again and threw out my drones at the first targets.

My untanked armor was already beginning to crumple, I could feel the shuddering of my ship beneath my feet. The Hobgoblin II's reached an Inquisitor, whose shields were obliterated.. but his armor took a bit longer before finally giving out and imploding.

Now, some of the native rats were shooting at me too, my hull was taking direct damage. Ironcially, my hull was also the best tanked part of the Vexor, thanks to a DCU II.

The Hobgoblin II's reached the enemy Incursus which, under their unwelcome attentions, quickly yielded to open space.

My hull was almost critical now, there remained only the enemy punisher. The Hobgoblin II's finally reached it, but it seemed to be a particularly hard nut to crack. The drones fired salvo after salvo at the little ship, while mine was already disintigrating beneath me.

Suddenly, the Punisher imploded in a fiery explosion. This last enemy pod was able to escape, the others left while I was too busy killing their allies. At any rate, my structural integrity was only 48%, there was little point in staying around risking another fight.

As I initiated docking procedures, I announced a new name for the now battle scarred Vexor, which was still venting atmosphere into space. Previously, it had been named 'II' for it's prior two kills in battle. Now, it would henceforth be known as 'VI' for it's kills.

Turning the Tables

Captain's Log- Lanissum
--------------Session started: 5632.04.20 22:01:14-----------

It had been a slow day that day. Frustrated after gaining no kills, fights, or even losses, I proceeded to dock my ship. Of course, I did one last scan for a new pilot in a big ship.

As I proceeded back to his quarters, he kept on thinking about newer pilots and big ships. When a ship is picked up on a scanner, it returns it's transponder identification signal. By default, this signal consists of the pilot's name and ship type.

Suddenly, I realized the seemingly obvious idea that the name of the pilot on the transponder signal didn't have to be the pilot flying the ship.

As I made my way back to the dock, I opened my com and instructed my crew chief to pick a suitable name from the local chatter for my Myrmidon Battlecruiser. Moments later, I was sitting in an obvious belt 'ratting'.

Within a minute of landing at the belt, a Thorax warped in; followed by a Hound stealth bomber. They were both experienced pilots, the Hound was out of my engagement range. But I decided to engage the Thorax anyways.

As soon as a lock was resolved, my blasters spun up, drones went out, and the enemy ship's warp core was disrupted.

But they engaged me even before my locks were resolved. I could feel my ship shudder as the first salvo of warheads hit the Myrmidon. The shields were going down faster than I'd hoped, I engaged my armor tank, in preparation for the incoming damage.

The Thorax and my Myrmidon seemed about tied for damage, our respective ships taking the same amount of damage. But then the Thorax began to gain vast quantities of distance on me. He was MWDing away from me. Belatedly, I realized that I'd pointed him with the warp disruptor and not the scrambler that I also carried. Now, he was out of range of most of my damage, save for my drones. But still able to keep me in place while the SB fired salvo after salvo upon me.

The torpedoes took to take large chunks of my armor. I engaged overheating upon my tank, in an attempt to prolong the seemly inevitable demise of the Myrmidon.

As quickly as the Thorax gained range, it came back, apparently to get in on the kill. That was the last mistake for him. I immediately spun up and overheated my blasters, knowing that it was kill or be killed.

His armor took a critical hit, the Thorax began to loose large chunks of it's hull. I began to align for an attempt to warp out. Another salvo of torpedoes, and both of our hulls were well below 50%.

But my blasters managed to score a hit upon the now MWDless Thorax, resulting in a fiery explosion.

Another salvo of torpedoes quickly knocked me out of my triumph. I wasn't out of the woods yet, my Myrmidon had been knocked out of alignment by the battle. I began the warp out procedure. It was a race between the next salvo and the warp procedure.

Torpedoes incoming...
15% thrust.... 25% thrust...50% thrust...
I could literally see the visual radiation from the torpedoes' propulsion systems.
Warping to Mercantile Bureau Station.

The crew cheered, they had survived the battle.
I relaxed and shuddered as I took another look at the ship readout:
16% hull integrity had remained after the battle, the armor was already on it's way to full strength again. Almost every lower module was offlined by the damage sustained during the fight, but overheating had definitely won the day today. I therefore ordered every man in the splended engineering department of my ship a few free rounds at their favorite station-side establishment.